To My Pearl

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You turned seven years old today! We went to the beach because that is where you feel most alive- in nature with space to run, dance, and sing freely with those that love you most. You told me it was the best day of your life... but you say that often. I think you have a tendency to make most days that way. You radiate happiness- You are a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air and I was in heaven watching you light up the way you do when you’re in your element. I recently came across this journal entry I wrote for you on your first birthday... and I want to share it with you today.


My Most Precious Pearl,

It's been a  year! One whole year since you came into my world and changed it forever. It happened so quickly, and yet I feel that I’ve known your darling spirit forever.

We are kindred spirits, and I knew that the moment I learned you were coming to our family.

I remember reclining comfortably on the exam table,

feeling the cool jelly on my tummy,

anxiously awaiting to hear the gender of this little life inside me. The next words I heard were...

'see that right there?'

......hmmm......

to be honest I didn't see what he was talking about, but since I had heard that twice before,

I knew if he saw something, it probably meant you were another little guy to add to our brood. I went home.. excited of course for a sweet new baby,

but a little heavy in spirit as my heart needed you.

Fast forward one month later.

Another ultrasound.

'Well... your chart says you are having a boy,

but this is most definitely a girl.'

 

I shot straight up.

'Are you sure?'

i nearly begged.

'100%'. And life has never been the same.

 

Pearly Sue, You are most definitely a girl after my own heart! 

You love babies.

You love to clean.

You love to sing.

You LOVE to dance.

And you ADORE your daddy. 

You are everything good and happy and sweet and wonderful. 

You have taught me a whole new kind of love. A tender love that I didn't know before you. I love your brothers-

-ooooh do I love those little stinkers-

but you... sweet Pearl,

your delicate yet valiant spirit is teaching me daily of a higher love.

And I say we are kindred spirits because I KNOW that we chose each other in the life before. Although, sometimes I feel that you should have come first to teach and guide me, as I learn so much from you every day.

You're teaching me forgiveness. Instant forgiveness. Tenderness. That laughing, singing, and dancing really do cure most anything. To laugh at myself. That it's okay to fall, as long as I get back up.

That crying gets you most ANYTHING you want from daddy. That true femininity is a beautiful thing to behold...

(you already have a little strut when you walk- hand in air and hips tossing back and forth... 

it is beyond darling.) 

and of course that pure Christ like love.

You are teaching our family the true meaning of charity.

 

Your little personality is unmatched.

You are a dynamite of sweetness.

An angel- not to be reckoned with.

A fountain of sass.

Sweet adorable sass.

You know what you want, and you know how to get it.

I hope that never changes in you.

I hope you always follow your dreams, no matter the obstacle.

and ALWAYS dream big.

You will change the world my darling.

I feel it.

 

I selfishly wish I could bottle you up right now and keep you as my little sidekick forever. You are at such adorable stage,

but then i'm sure i'll think that at every stage, as you prepare for baptism,

your first date,

and the day you are married.

OHHHH...

it hurts to think about.

I will do my best to let you grow and learn the things that you need to on your own,

but promise me you'll always keep me close?

Resist the urge of pushing me away when I'm still wearing that

'so last season'

style.

Or when I still kiss you goodbye when you're 16. Or come to hold you as you sleep the days before you leave for college... promise baby? 

 

I know that right now you are beginning to lose the precious memories of that Heavenly home that you knew before coming to us.

I know that He misses you,

but I know He watches over you.

Miss Pearl,

I promise that if you will live your life in a way that I will do my best to teach you,

you will ALWAYS feel of His love and presence around you.

He will guide your steps. He will carry you when you're tired.

He will never be further away than a prayer, and He does answer prayers.

You love, are evidence of that.

 

Some things I want you to remember:

 

1. You are a child of Deity.

A princess.

You have a father that is a Heavenly King and

He loves you. That alone makes you enough.  Always, forever- no matter what. Your worth lies in him alone. 

 

2. Read the Book of Mormon DAILY.

There is power in that book and you will become untouchable to the adversary by reading it.

 

3. Motherhood is the highest and most noble calling you will have in this life- don't ever let anyone or anything make you feel differently. 

You will be a GREAT little mommy.

 

4. I am not perfect...

and we will disagree from time to time- 

but I will always be here for you, and I will ALWAYS love you.

 

5. You're brothers may be stinky, wild, rambunctious, and sometimes naughty.

BUT

they adore you.

They will be, next to your daddy and I,

your strongest advocate,

fiercest protectors,

and closest friends.

and last but definitely not least

 

6. You are beautiful. Truly breathtakingly beautiful in all the ways. 

Always make your inner beauty as striking as your outer,

I know you will.

 

I love you songbird-

with every heartbeat,

 

Mommy

 

P.S. This little clip of you dancing at the beach may well be my favorite memory of you to date... wild and free. Oh, and at the very end do you see that little angel dancing with you? always with you baby.